You are probably wondering where I've been...or maybe your watching over me at all times and you really do not even need this blog to learn about what's going on in my life. Maybe this was just my way to document this painful journey of healing and to share with others that life can still go on despite of a tragic loss. I am not sure.
The writing over the last five years has helped me in so many ways. I was able to share my deepest heartache and feelings when they were too hard to share with anyone in person. But more importantly, I was able to document this to share with my children one day. A big fear I have is how they could ever really understand or how would they really know how special my parents were - I think this will offer a special glimpse into who they were and what they meant to me. This blog and all of the writing also resulted in self-publishing my own little book. I know it took courage to share my entire heart and soul with so many...and I hope it brought a few people peace when they needed it knowing they are not alone. We all have our demons. Don't let them define you - it's the easy way out.
Today will be my last post. I've decided to retire this site. I can finally look myself in the mirror and say I'm okay. Sure, I still have my days and it will hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks and I will find myself crying hysterically just missing having parents in my life - my parents. The parents that would have been the most amazing Grandparents to Elle and Harry and would have supported me in all of these life-decisions I have and will continue to face. I miss those daily phone calls but I miss the unconditional love the most. I don't believe that void will ever be filled and I will miss it for the rest of my life. I still have a lot to work on...I put a wall up after they died and while I feel it starting to come down, it still exists. I am hard on myself... and have high hopes of others when it comes to family and how others define it differently than I do. I think too much and worry intensely about the future - I want to have a plan at all times. And I want everything done yesterday...
I have learned through this who my friends are and the family who stuck by my side years after the tragedy knowing deep down this was still really tough...especially during the holidays, milestones and the Spring-time. But when disappointment sets in I have learned to take lots of deep breathes and say 'they just don't know, they just cannot truly ever understand'. I truly hope everyone that supported our family knows how much I appreciated their love and friendship throughout the years of grieving. There are people that have helped me tremendously that don't even know it. For example, my running partner. A year ago I finally got back in the groove thanks to her. I retired my old play-lists that brought back sad memories, and told myself that it was OK to return to things I once I had a passion for before my parents died. My father loved watching me run all of those years...I knew I had to get back into it. So, thank you for helping me without even knowing you were. And my co-workers for continually telling me how positive I am and saying they would have never known I went through anything in life the way I am at work. I told myself early on when this happened that I would walk through that office door and leave everything behind. Good for work but sometimes that meant the brunt of it was put on my husband or other family members as I worked through this new life. So I thank all of you for never giving up on me and knowing this was going to take a lot of time to heal from something so unfathomable. I owe a great deal to Ted's parents and so many others that have always been there before, during AND after.
I avoided writing these last few months in denial that five years had passed by. I am still amazed it has been that long that I have heard my parents' voices...and amazed at how much has happened these last five years; too much to even mention but instantly I think of my incredible nephew, my beautiful children, my sister, our careers and success and how blessed we have been in all other aspects of our life. We have still lived and experienced SO much despite some pretty tough days.
The way my parents died will never be erased from my mind and it's the part of their death that has been the most difficult. There are things I do not know and never want to know. And I have accepted that no matter how painful it is, I cannot change it. I just try to tell myself now that they're together and that whatever pain they may have felt is now gone and I just pray they are in the most amazing place. I will not say I am at peace yet, not even close, but I am OK. And for me...that's a start. A start that I am proud of....a start that took five years to get to...a lot of tears, a lot of therapy, a lot of support and a lot of fun and amazing adventures and distractions to get me there.
My brother is safe and under great care. That will always be a tough situation but I am blessed with strength to be able to maintain a relationship with him and to have empathy for his illness. That was not my brother. This will be a long road of recovery for him and I just pray he continues to remain safe and is able to adjust to this new life one day. So that leads me into my new focus for the next 5 months - mental illness.
Mental illness impacted our lives so significantly. I feel I am finally in a place to help make a difference. I am starting small...with my Sister and a few friends (thank you Molly and Melissa!) by raising funding to spread awareness of mental Illness. Partnering with NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) for their annual 5k, we'll hopefully raise $5,000 over the next 5 months, all in honor of the 5 year anniversary of my Parents' death and everyone who has been impacted by this and or are dealing with it today in their life. The walk will take place on 9/21 in Novi, MI. Please click on the below link to access my fundraising page. You can register to walk with us which I would LOVE, make a donation to our team OR join my team and help raise additional funding on your own for this much needed cause.
Thank you for you love and support by checking this out. Without even much effort yet, my Team is at 15% of goal and I am at 14% of goal. I am so thankful for my friends and family who supported so far!!!!!
This blog will hopefully never be deleted...and will always be here to look back at old posts, review pictures and to reflect on how far we have come in 5 years. Man those first few years were so heart-wrenching. I almost find year 1 & 2 hard to even read anymore...but I know how proud my parents would be that their daughter was able to share her story and journey of healing and to keep their memory alive as best as I possibly could. I hope to keep their memory alive forever through stories, pictures and through how I treat people - they were good people with really good hearts. I want to be more like them.
This is not good-bye...the retiring of the blog is just another chapter closed on this journey of life. I hate that I had to see my parents go like this so young but I pray as the years go by it will hopefully start getting easier to remember only the good times. The times that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I pray they know how much we love and miss them everyday. I carry them everywhere I go in my heart and I owe everything I have become to them without a doubt. Please continue to be with us at all times; through the good and bad. I know I will need you. And I know my heart will continue to ache when it gets tough and during milestones that I know you would give anything to be here for.
All my love and until I see you again,
Love, your daughter
PS - thank you to all of my readers out there - almost 80,000 visits to this site over the last five years. Simply amazing. Thanks for reading through some tough stuff and supporting me through this. Please keep in touch. All my love and hope, Melissa
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
hey there stranger
Well, hello!
I haven't written in so long! It has been such a busy month since Elle's birthday.
Work has been crazy for both Ted and I and have traveled much of February for work. Though I missed the kids, I had an amazing week in FL. First I got to experience the Daytona 500 event VIP style with Kroger. We stayed at a beautiful place right on the Ocean..I got to share a suite with two super fun co-workers that I respect very much and had fun events throughout the weekend. Our team even was recognized for having the best display of the year for the Kroger Daytona program in-store so that was exciting. We had one day where there was nothing on the agenda until dinner so we laid in the sun for several hours, walked on the beach, ordered lunch by the pool and met up with our mgmt for manicures and pedicures and a round of margaritas. It was awesome....Elle and Harrison were doing great so I felt I could really enjoy myself. They were back at Gramma and Grampa's house for the week so Ted wouldn't be overwhelmed on his own with being so busy at work. They had a new theme each day..from trains to princesses and enjoyed building their first ever snow man! Grampa even made it blue with a pink scarf. I cannot tell how you hard it is not have my Mom and Dad as grandparents but I am beyond thankful we have Cindy and Steve. They are always there for us despite the heartache we still feel.
After Daytona we headed to Orlando for our annual National meeting where the sales force gathered for four days to review accomplishments, business results, training and where we are headed as an organization. I have always felt this way, but SCJ is a really special company to work with. Our CEO brought his Mother who everyone loves, they shared stories about the Johnson family and played this incredible video of her driving around in her old beat up car giving us a tour of Racine, WI where our World HQ is located. And then after giving us an amazing speech straight from the heart, my named was pulled out of hundreds to come up and meet her, she gave me a gift (long story, you wouldn't understand but I received dinosaur poop! from her World travels) and I got to give her a big hug. I couldn't believe my name was chosen out of so many....thank gosh I had a great dress on that day, ha!
And the week could not have gone any better...that same day I was recognized as the best in class and got to go back on stage to accept the award. Last year was a good year for me from a business perspective so it felt good to be recognized for the hard work. Despite what my family has faced, I sure have been blessed from a career perspective and have never let my performance or dedication slide. I truly adore my coworkers on the team and love the company so right now I feel I am in a good place. I look forward to this next year as Ted talks with his company and we brainstorm with mine on what is next for the Close Family. The thought of leaving Cinci makes me cry...we love it here and have plans to send Elle off to St Mary's next fall that is walking distance to our house, we adore our friends and love everything about our neighborhood. But, god may have other plans for us...we shall see.
I worry as I approach April...I wish we could skip it. I have been stressed trying to determine what we could possibly due to mark the five years they have been gone. five years...wow. But I am coming to grips that it will never be good enough and it may cause more pain than happiness to do something big.Honestly what I want to do this year is raise awareness of mental illness. So, I am working on partnering with NAMI...the largest mental health association. I don't have any of the details yet but there will be a walk in September in MI that I went to build a team for, set goals to raise money in their honor and get as many friends and family to join us. More to come...for now...I want to focus on Hawaii. Ted and will have been married for 10 years this May so we are headed there a little early to celebrate. I feel badly this it is so close to my FL trip and I just left the kids....but I know they will have another great week in MI their Grandparents. One of our nest friends lives in Waikiki beach so we are beyond thrilled to experience the Island with him and all he knows about it. It is sure to be another trip of a lifetime. I feel really blessed how much Ted and I have traveled since we were married nearly 10 years ago.
Though I can feel the rain cloud approaching....we have so much to be grateful for, so many exciting things this Spring coming up (Hawaii, visits from my best girlfriends, and Christina's much anticipated graduation and party). May my Mother and Father watch from above and be on this journey with us. I hope they continue to send down strength as Christina and I push forward the best way we know how.
Miss you so much, Mom and Dad.....sure wish you were here for this exciting year. Miss your smiling faces every single day.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
I haven't written in so long! It has been such a busy month since Elle's birthday.
Work has been crazy for both Ted and I and have traveled much of February for work. Though I missed the kids, I had an amazing week in FL. First I got to experience the Daytona 500 event VIP style with Kroger. We stayed at a beautiful place right on the Ocean..I got to share a suite with two super fun co-workers that I respect very much and had fun events throughout the weekend. Our team even was recognized for having the best display of the year for the Kroger Daytona program in-store so that was exciting. We had one day where there was nothing on the agenda until dinner so we laid in the sun for several hours, walked on the beach, ordered lunch by the pool and met up with our mgmt for manicures and pedicures and a round of margaritas. It was awesome....Elle and Harrison were doing great so I felt I could really enjoy myself. They were back at Gramma and Grampa's house for the week so Ted wouldn't be overwhelmed on his own with being so busy at work. They had a new theme each day..from trains to princesses and enjoyed building their first ever snow man! Grampa even made it blue with a pink scarf. I cannot tell how you hard it is not have my Mom and Dad as grandparents but I am beyond thankful we have Cindy and Steve. They are always there for us despite the heartache we still feel.
After Daytona we headed to Orlando for our annual National meeting where the sales force gathered for four days to review accomplishments, business results, training and where we are headed as an organization. I have always felt this way, but SCJ is a really special company to work with. Our CEO brought his Mother who everyone loves, they shared stories about the Johnson family and played this incredible video of her driving around in her old beat up car giving us a tour of Racine, WI where our World HQ is located. And then after giving us an amazing speech straight from the heart, my named was pulled out of hundreds to come up and meet her, she gave me a gift (long story, you wouldn't understand but I received dinosaur poop! from her World travels) and I got to give her a big hug. I couldn't believe my name was chosen out of so many....thank gosh I had a great dress on that day, ha!
And the week could not have gone any better...that same day I was recognized as the best in class and got to go back on stage to accept the award. Last year was a good year for me from a business perspective so it felt good to be recognized for the hard work. Despite what my family has faced, I sure have been blessed from a career perspective and have never let my performance or dedication slide. I truly adore my coworkers on the team and love the company so right now I feel I am in a good place. I look forward to this next year as Ted talks with his company and we brainstorm with mine on what is next for the Close Family. The thought of leaving Cinci makes me cry...we love it here and have plans to send Elle off to St Mary's next fall that is walking distance to our house, we adore our friends and love everything about our neighborhood. But, god may have other plans for us...we shall see.
I worry as I approach April...I wish we could skip it. I have been stressed trying to determine what we could possibly due to mark the five years they have been gone. five years...wow. But I am coming to grips that it will never be good enough and it may cause more pain than happiness to do something big.Honestly what I want to do this year is raise awareness of mental illness. So, I am working on partnering with NAMI...the largest mental health association. I don't have any of the details yet but there will be a walk in September in MI that I went to build a team for, set goals to raise money in their honor and get as many friends and family to join us. More to come...for now...I want to focus on Hawaii. Ted and will have been married for 10 years this May so we are headed there a little early to celebrate. I feel badly this it is so close to my FL trip and I just left the kids....but I know they will have another great week in MI their Grandparents. One of our nest friends lives in Waikiki beach so we are beyond thrilled to experience the Island with him and all he knows about it. It is sure to be another trip of a lifetime. I feel really blessed how much Ted and I have traveled since we were married nearly 10 years ago.
Though I can feel the rain cloud approaching....we have so much to be grateful for, so many exciting things this Spring coming up (Hawaii, visits from my best girlfriends, and Christina's much anticipated graduation and party). May my Mother and Father watch from above and be on this journey with us. I hope they continue to send down strength as Christina and I push forward the best way we know how.
Miss you so much, Mom and Dad.....sure wish you were here for this exciting year. Miss your smiling faces every single day.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Elle's birthday
Elle had a great birthday last weekend. SO hard to believe she's 4. Sometimes I feel sad I was so preoccupied her first year of life that I missed out a little. I know I remained strong and happy with her in our life but it was a very challenging few years adjusting to our new life - the life without my parents. We were at a different place when Harry came...
Our house was filled with family and our friends. Fun gifts were opened, a sweet little party at the bookstore took place, a beautiful cake was eaten and her collection of tutus began!!
Elle had her 4 year checkup yesterday and we were thrilled with her growth.
She's still petite but grew several inches putting her in the 70% for height so above average. This was good news since we always thought she was so tiny. Her iron was a little behind where they want it to be so we have to ramp up her iron intake. Lots of spinach and beef and fortified cereal.
Harry is still our husky boy above average in weight and height with a massive head.
It's all brain :) they picked up a little heart murmur but said its nothing to worry about and they're very common so something we'll check every visit.
Shots were not fun at all especially by myself. But we made it through and dad brought home ice cream that evening! I remember very vividly my mom taking us three to the doc. Poor mom...we have you a run for your money. We were always running and giggling. Sorry we didn't behave better. but at times I know you laughed, too.
Feel blessed we have two beautiful healthy children. Wish you were here to see them.
All my love,
Melissa
Our house was filled with family and our friends. Fun gifts were opened, a sweet little party at the bookstore took place, a beautiful cake was eaten and her collection of tutus began!!
Elle had her 4 year checkup yesterday and we were thrilled with her growth.
She's still petite but grew several inches putting her in the 70% for height so above average. This was good news since we always thought she was so tiny. Her iron was a little behind where they want it to be so we have to ramp up her iron intake. Lots of spinach and beef and fortified cereal.
Harry is still our husky boy above average in weight and height with a massive head.
It's all brain :) they picked up a little heart murmur but said its nothing to worry about and they're very common so something we'll check every visit.
Shots were not fun at all especially by myself. But we made it through and dad brought home ice cream that evening! I remember very vividly my mom taking us three to the doc. Poor mom...we have you a run for your money. We were always running and giggling. Sorry we didn't behave better. but at times I know you laughed, too.
Feel blessed we have two beautiful healthy children. Wish you were here to see them.
All my love,
Melissa
Friday, January 11, 2013
holiday continued...
I apologize...my post was around 3am so I left out a lot of the details and like to have things well documented. The fun details about our break...
Despite the sadness and heavy heart around the Holidays and thinking of our Gracie girl too, we had some fun memories to take with us as always
-watching elle and harry open their gifts (harry in particular LOVED his truck from Aunt Mary and elle's most favorite gift was her sleeping bag from Aunt Debbie)
-watching the cousins "play" - elle is so proud to be the oldest Close cousin and harry and elle adore their big cousin aydan who is just getting cuter by the day (and more athletic)
-hanging with our friends Mel and Nick whom have been sharing the Christmas eve tradition with us and the close's for over 10 years
-making Christmas cookies with aunt chrissy, aydan and harry - she is my mother when it comes to baking...you would be so proud, mom
-wine & beer drinking with the siblings once the kiddos were asleep...we debated, laughed and covered just about every topic (most of which I cannot mention on this blog!)
-cousin pic on Santa's lap...though the line was long and miserable, we captured that moment of the kiddos together
-having a visit with aunt diann and uncle randy at the close's while they were briefly in MI...wonderful to see my family
-Christmas eve service is always beautiful but it's tough...that is where I think of my family, and all of the people hurting out there in particular the victims of sandy hook, ct this year...it sure hit home and my heart aches for those children and all impacted
-Christmas morning - drinking coffee, eating monkey break, giving and getting gifts
-watching my sister put on such a nice dinner for my mom's side of the family - it was so nice to see everyone and wish i saw them more often. great to see my grandfather healthy and happy (he turns 80 this year!!!)
-NYE with our friends kelly and jason - had a great (early) dinner night out at a fabulous restaurant...great to get out after a long break with good people
Of course there are people I wish I caught up with (on the phone and in person) who I miss so much...but know you all were in my heart and I cherish your friendships no matter where you are.
ONE more week until the big day - Elle's birthday! A lot of planning is undergoing...should be a special weekend with our family and friends!
All my love,
Melissa
Despite the sadness and heavy heart around the Holidays and thinking of our Gracie girl too, we had some fun memories to take with us as always
-watching elle and harry open their gifts (harry in particular LOVED his truck from Aunt Mary and elle's most favorite gift was her sleeping bag from Aunt Debbie)
-watching the cousins "play" - elle is so proud to be the oldest Close cousin and harry and elle adore their big cousin aydan who is just getting cuter by the day (and more athletic)
-hanging with our friends Mel and Nick whom have been sharing the Christmas eve tradition with us and the close's for over 10 years
-making Christmas cookies with aunt chrissy, aydan and harry - she is my mother when it comes to baking...you would be so proud, mom
-wine & beer drinking with the siblings once the kiddos were asleep...we debated, laughed and covered just about every topic (most of which I cannot mention on this blog!)
-cousin pic on Santa's lap...though the line was long and miserable, we captured that moment of the kiddos together
-having a visit with aunt diann and uncle randy at the close's while they were briefly in MI...wonderful to see my family
-Christmas eve service is always beautiful but it's tough...that is where I think of my family, and all of the people hurting out there in particular the victims of sandy hook, ct this year...it sure hit home and my heart aches for those children and all impacted
-Christmas morning - drinking coffee, eating monkey break, giving and getting gifts
-watching my sister put on such a nice dinner for my mom's side of the family - it was so nice to see everyone and wish i saw them more often. great to see my grandfather healthy and happy (he turns 80 this year!!!)
-NYE with our friends kelly and jason - had a great (early) dinner night out at a fabulous restaurant...great to get out after a long break with good people
Of course there are people I wish I caught up with (on the phone and in person) who I miss so much...but know you all were in my heart and I cherish your friendships no matter where you are.
ONE more week until the big day - Elle's birthday! A lot of planning is undergoing...should be a special weekend with our family and friends!
All my love,
Melissa
Happy new year
Mom, Dad, family, friends...
The new year is here...I apologize for the drop off in posts but candidly I didn't want to be redundant. I think by now everyone knows that the holidays are painful, the loss is magnified and all I want is to go "home" for the holidays. You were so missed every day. Grandpa looked great, your sister and brothers were happy and Christina did such a nice job hosting Christmas dinner at her apartment. I have come to realize its not about the space you have it's about simply being together. It will never be the same but I'll tell ya, we're doing an impressive job of pushing through and doing our best to be there for our own children and to not miss those precious moments - while also recognizing the reality. It's tough with Justin...my heart aches and he's lonely too. That is the part I really need continued guidance from up above. I need you to tell me what to do here.
Like the past five Christmases, they've been different. I search for new traditions and memories. This year the Close's had a packed house which was good and bad. I grew up in a house that was all about the more the merrier but when you add several kids and being off their schedule and several different personalities, it can get interesting but all in all a great holiday and awesome to see all of our siblings, nephew and nieces. The toughest part this year was thinking we were saying goodbye to our beloved bulldog Gracie. She was vomitting prior to break so I took her in, they ran tests, x-rays and recommended exploratory surgery. They biopsied major organs and tried to find answers. Unfortunately, the surgery did more harm than good as she didn't recover well...reacted to the meds, continued to not eat, vomitt then ultimately caught pneumonia. Her body was shutting down. We were back in MI getting constant updates from our vet but christmas morning was awful - they didn't think she'd survive.
Well, I'll leave the rest in history because January 4th we brought her home for good. She made a miraculous recovery and while i feel we're left with some mystery and a big dent in our savings, I realized how grace is so much more than a dog. She's family. She's been here for us through the worst and best times in our lives. We weren't ready to say goodbye yet. Our prayers were answered.
2013 will be a big year for us...mom and dad, I cannot even comprehend that you've been gone for almost five years. How is that possible? I hope we've made you proud. Chris will graduate - do you believe it? And ted and I will celebrate TEN years. Right before you passed we were finalizing details on our five year trip. I'm amazed at how quickly time has passed...and now I'm a mother of two. I've so missed having you in my life. It sure has been a journey of digging really deep and accepting that this is the new chapter. This life experience has changed my entire life - good and bad.
Our sweet girl will turn four this month. She was a gift from heaven then and she remains that way today. She's so smart and sweet and I'll leave out how I'm excited to say goodbye to the terrible threes...as I know one day I'll miss them.
Harry is my baby. Though he's 18 months, I still can't put him down. He's so kissable. But I can see my time is almost up with this stage, makes me sad.
Happy new year everyone...praying for continued peace for our family, health for friends and family, success in our careers and lives...and a year that's full of memories (a painful one but a really special one like our wedding) and new ones like Chris graduating. Here's to a new year...
The new year is here...I apologize for the drop off in posts but candidly I didn't want to be redundant. I think by now everyone knows that the holidays are painful, the loss is magnified and all I want is to go "home" for the holidays. You were so missed every day. Grandpa looked great, your sister and brothers were happy and Christina did such a nice job hosting Christmas dinner at her apartment. I have come to realize its not about the space you have it's about simply being together. It will never be the same but I'll tell ya, we're doing an impressive job of pushing through and doing our best to be there for our own children and to not miss those precious moments - while also recognizing the reality. It's tough with Justin...my heart aches and he's lonely too. That is the part I really need continued guidance from up above. I need you to tell me what to do here.
Like the past five Christmases, they've been different. I search for new traditions and memories. This year the Close's had a packed house which was good and bad. I grew up in a house that was all about the more the merrier but when you add several kids and being off their schedule and several different personalities, it can get interesting but all in all a great holiday and awesome to see all of our siblings, nephew and nieces. The toughest part this year was thinking we were saying goodbye to our beloved bulldog Gracie. She was vomitting prior to break so I took her in, they ran tests, x-rays and recommended exploratory surgery. They biopsied major organs and tried to find answers. Unfortunately, the surgery did more harm than good as she didn't recover well...reacted to the meds, continued to not eat, vomitt then ultimately caught pneumonia. Her body was shutting down. We were back in MI getting constant updates from our vet but christmas morning was awful - they didn't think she'd survive.
Well, I'll leave the rest in history because January 4th we brought her home for good. She made a miraculous recovery and while i feel we're left with some mystery and a big dent in our savings, I realized how grace is so much more than a dog. She's family. She's been here for us through the worst and best times in our lives. We weren't ready to say goodbye yet. Our prayers were answered.
2013 will be a big year for us...mom and dad, I cannot even comprehend that you've been gone for almost five years. How is that possible? I hope we've made you proud. Chris will graduate - do you believe it? And ted and I will celebrate TEN years. Right before you passed we were finalizing details on our five year trip. I'm amazed at how quickly time has passed...and now I'm a mother of two. I've so missed having you in my life. It sure has been a journey of digging really deep and accepting that this is the new chapter. This life experience has changed my entire life - good and bad.
Our sweet girl will turn four this month. She was a gift from heaven then and she remains that way today. She's so smart and sweet and I'll leave out how I'm excited to say goodbye to the terrible threes...as I know one day I'll miss them.
Harry is my baby. Though he's 18 months, I still can't put him down. He's so kissable. But I can see my time is almost up with this stage, makes me sad.
Happy new year everyone...praying for continued peace for our family, health for friends and family, success in our careers and lives...and a year that's full of memories (a painful one but a really special one like our wedding) and new ones like Chris graduating. Here's to a new year...
Thursday, December 6, 2012
December
Harry and I had a fabulous time in Philly together visiting my dear friend Nicky and her newly expanded family. It was so nice to visit with such a great friend, and to watch our kids running around together to be able to stay up watching a movie, eating popcorn, and drinking wine. Harry was a great traveler and I hope he'll continue to be this flexible. He'll nap anywhere, sleep anywhere and totally be OK being on the GO. I love being on the go especially around the Holidays. I like to switch things up a bit and have new memories as everything I once knew that was normal to has changed. Holidays are so different. So, it was really wonderful to spend time with a good friend...
We've had a busy week with Daddy traveling...boy, I am exhausted....literally 5 minutes after I get Elle down, I am in bed myself. I just feel like I am all business when Dad's away and get frustrated and lose patience with a meltdown or anything that causes us to get off track and keep on schedule! But, I have to remember Elle is not even 4 yet so she's going to have tantrums. Harry even was up at 4am this morning screaming so I ran in there and sure enough he just wanted Elle...he literally was screaming "Elle Bell" at 4am in the morning. He got himself SO upset he finally fell back asleep at 5am....so I was able to get a quick shower in and finish up their lunches before they were both up for good. Always tricky getting that shower in when you're on your own!
We have a fun weekend ahead...Ted's work Christmas party, Elle has a birthday party to attend, and I put together a little girls night out at our new wine bar which I am so excited to try. I love the fact that we can walk there too. Very cool.
Christmas is less than 3 weeks away. We'll be headed back to MI on the 21st so I am already in planning mode to keep busy...mani/pedicure with all of the girls, getting everyone together to go see Santa. I feel every time we're back there we don't go anywhere and it's our vacation to so we want to keep the kids busy doing fun things and be out and about. So I am hoping we can make fun but also relax as well...I feel I have made good progress with gifts, just a few more to buy. The problem is the wrapping. Not only do I not like it, I am not very good at it.
Missing my Family this Season more than ever, thinking of my brother and pray he doesn't feel too lonely and thinking of my friend who is fighting cancer and is undergoing surgery literally as I type....
All my love and hope for a Christmas season that is less painful than the last, a season I am able to remember only the good memories together as a family and able to watch in pure joy my kids and the excitement in their eyes as they experience Christmas.
Melissa
We've had a busy week with Daddy traveling...boy, I am exhausted....literally 5 minutes after I get Elle down, I am in bed myself. I just feel like I am all business when Dad's away and get frustrated and lose patience with a meltdown or anything that causes us to get off track and keep on schedule! But, I have to remember Elle is not even 4 yet so she's going to have tantrums. Harry even was up at 4am this morning screaming so I ran in there and sure enough he just wanted Elle...he literally was screaming "Elle Bell" at 4am in the morning. He got himself SO upset he finally fell back asleep at 5am....so I was able to get a quick shower in and finish up their lunches before they were both up for good. Always tricky getting that shower in when you're on your own!
We have a fun weekend ahead...Ted's work Christmas party, Elle has a birthday party to attend, and I put together a little girls night out at our new wine bar which I am so excited to try. I love the fact that we can walk there too. Very cool.
Christmas is less than 3 weeks away. We'll be headed back to MI on the 21st so I am already in planning mode to keep busy...mani/pedicure with all of the girls, getting everyone together to go see Santa. I feel every time we're back there we don't go anywhere and it's our vacation to so we want to keep the kids busy doing fun things and be out and about. So I am hoping we can make fun but also relax as well...I feel I have made good progress with gifts, just a few more to buy. The problem is the wrapping. Not only do I not like it, I am not very good at it.
Missing my Family this Season more than ever, thinking of my brother and pray he doesn't feel too lonely and thinking of my friend who is fighting cancer and is undergoing surgery literally as I type....
All my love and hope for a Christmas season that is less painful than the last, a season I am able to remember only the good memories together as a family and able to watch in pure joy my kids and the excitement in their eyes as they experience Christmas.
Melissa
Monday, November 19, 2012
the holiday spirit
And, here we are again. The Holidays. I am once again saddened that I feel this way...
I remember the excitement deep in my heart when the Holidays were near...calling my Mom even more frequently about the family gift exchange, the weekend plans, discussing her cheesecake making, talking to the Close's about Christmas eve excited to get all the siblings together, making plans to have them visit my parent's Christmas dinner...I can only imagine how the Holidays would be now with having all the grand-babies in the picture beyond Aydan. It just makes it so hard to go back to MI, to let go, and to have fun in a way that is so outside of what you were used to, what you had envisioned all your life what your Holidays would be like with your own family. I feel stuck, disappointed and angry. You're expectations are heightened...and you are let down so much easier. Ted's brother and sister-in-law are not coming over Thanksgiving. Some would say this is no big deal. This hurt. Surely it's their choice....but I guess we were taken back. To us, we're bothered....we live out of state, we make the hike back with our kids to be around our family and we want to see them.... we crave togetherness and having the small family we do have together. I was taken back. It all goes back to the loss. I think, if my parents were alive, I wouldn't notice as much. I am positive if Mom and Dad were alive they'd be joining us at the Close's for Thanksgiving and it wouldn't be as noticeable if someone couldn't make it. We started doing some of our Holidays together a few years before my parents passed as it was so important to Ted and I (long before kids and my parents dying) that we are all together and that we didn't have to choose. I know that would have continued long into the future...I guess my heart aches when I focus on what could have been and the unfairness of it all. But I know that negative energy is not good...I do have my beautiful kids and my Sister and nephew that will be together at Ted's parents. Ted and I have just had a lot of baggage lately, my brother is not doing well, it's hard to not worry about my Sister as she is studying her butt off to get through RN school as a single Mom with no health insurance...I worry constantly and it wears on my relationship with Ted. I know my parents would be sad about this...they would be so bummed I have this burden. But to me, it's my responsibility or who else will worry about them?
I just want to go back to MI to see our family and watch the cousins play, shop, go for a run out in the cold, eat a great meal and feel thankful for what I do have. But it's so hard...there is still so much anger, sadness and disappointment that I try to fight every day. I will see Justin on Friday. I mean, I am thankful he is in a safe place but he is struggling right now in there. His mind is playing tricks on him again and I am very worried about him and feel so sad that he will be alone on Thanksgiving and we're unable to even bring him a nice meal this time. He will be eating prison food. This kills me. There is so just so much to think about....
I just pray there are moments of joy, thankfulness and spirit throughout the Holiday Season...I am so grateful for many things between the kids, our careers, my sister and her tenacity, my rockstar aydan....our friends....and so much more.....we are blessed in ways others couldn't even imagine...but the sad stuff is really sad....and hard for many to even understand or relate to. And, I have to remember that. They just don't know...
I've been doing some shopping...took my Harry out both Saturday and Sunday in my attempt to "get into the spirit"...buying gifts for others is so much fun, and I need to be thinking of what homemade gift we'll make for our family in honor of my Mom again. Elle and I put cookie jars together for everyone with a picture of Mom and one of her recipes last year. It meant a lot to us to give those out to keep her love for baking and her beautiful Holiday spirit that she shared with so many..alive....
I look forward to seeing friends, baking with the kids, seeing Santa, attending work Holiday parties....I just miss that deep down joy. That joy I once had.
I miss my family. It's just that simple. And I just want to go home for the holidays to share these beautiful babies I now have.......Elle and Harry are the loves of my life.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
I remember the excitement deep in my heart when the Holidays were near...calling my Mom even more frequently about the family gift exchange, the weekend plans, discussing her cheesecake making, talking to the Close's about Christmas eve excited to get all the siblings together, making plans to have them visit my parent's Christmas dinner...I can only imagine how the Holidays would be now with having all the grand-babies in the picture beyond Aydan. It just makes it so hard to go back to MI, to let go, and to have fun in a way that is so outside of what you were used to, what you had envisioned all your life what your Holidays would be like with your own family. I feel stuck, disappointed and angry. You're expectations are heightened...and you are let down so much easier. Ted's brother and sister-in-law are not coming over Thanksgiving. Some would say this is no big deal. This hurt. Surely it's their choice....but I guess we were taken back. To us, we're bothered....we live out of state, we make the hike back with our kids to be around our family and we want to see them.... we crave togetherness and having the small family we do have together. I was taken back. It all goes back to the loss. I think, if my parents were alive, I wouldn't notice as much. I am positive if Mom and Dad were alive they'd be joining us at the Close's for Thanksgiving and it wouldn't be as noticeable if someone couldn't make it. We started doing some of our Holidays together a few years before my parents passed as it was so important to Ted and I (long before kids and my parents dying) that we are all together and that we didn't have to choose. I know that would have continued long into the future...I guess my heart aches when I focus on what could have been and the unfairness of it all. But I know that negative energy is not good...I do have my beautiful kids and my Sister and nephew that will be together at Ted's parents. Ted and I have just had a lot of baggage lately, my brother is not doing well, it's hard to not worry about my Sister as she is studying her butt off to get through RN school as a single Mom with no health insurance...I worry constantly and it wears on my relationship with Ted. I know my parents would be sad about this...they would be so bummed I have this burden. But to me, it's my responsibility or who else will worry about them?
I just want to go back to MI to see our family and watch the cousins play, shop, go for a run out in the cold, eat a great meal and feel thankful for what I do have. But it's so hard...there is still so much anger, sadness and disappointment that I try to fight every day. I will see Justin on Friday. I mean, I am thankful he is in a safe place but he is struggling right now in there. His mind is playing tricks on him again and I am very worried about him and feel so sad that he will be alone on Thanksgiving and we're unable to even bring him a nice meal this time. He will be eating prison food. This kills me. There is so just so much to think about....
I just pray there are moments of joy, thankfulness and spirit throughout the Holiday Season...I am so grateful for many things between the kids, our careers, my sister and her tenacity, my rockstar aydan....our friends....and so much more.....we are blessed in ways others couldn't even imagine...but the sad stuff is really sad....and hard for many to even understand or relate to. And, I have to remember that. They just don't know...
I've been doing some shopping...took my Harry out both Saturday and Sunday in my attempt to "get into the spirit"...buying gifts for others is so much fun, and I need to be thinking of what homemade gift we'll make for our family in honor of my Mom again. Elle and I put cookie jars together for everyone with a picture of Mom and one of her recipes last year. It meant a lot to us to give those out to keep her love for baking and her beautiful Holiday spirit that she shared with so many..alive....
I look forward to seeing friends, baking with the kids, seeing Santa, attending work Holiday parties....I just miss that deep down joy. That joy I once had.
I miss my family. It's just that simple. And I just want to go home for the holidays to share these beautiful babies I now have.......Elle and Harry are the loves of my life.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
Monday, November 5, 2012
wow, November...
I haven't written in weeks...we've been so busy but finally will be home in Cincinnati until we leave for Thanksgiving. We had a busy few weeks - travel for both Ted and I, the kids were sick for a week so there was added stress in the household with me staying home for most of the week. But, I did get out to Dallas prior to my conference to see Aunt Lisa and my cousins. It was so wonderful to be with my family, Mom's side..... My Aunt made the kids the most adorable monogrammed hoodies...and I loved the chance to see her home and her sewing room and see the pics of my Mom around her house. It's hard all of us living out of State but as my cousin and I talked about....we are so happy that we've stayed so connected the last 4 1/2 years. It was therapeutic to be around them knowing it would make my Mom so happy. My cousin and her husband built the most beautiful home and it was so nice to get to know them even more.
I cannot believe November is already here....holidays will be here so quickly. Just going to focus on the kids and them having fun and doing as much stuff as possible with them to keep my mind off my family. But, it's so hard when Justin is calling constantly and is missing family, all that we used to have.....it's hard to put aside. I don't think that it's ever possible. I think I will always have to put that smile on and deep down be bummed around this time of year. It's just hard, this time of year is all about Family and surely I have a great one of my own....but I miss my family unit that I came from and sharing these beautiful kids.
But, we have great friends, more cousins in our family to share Christmas with that will make it so much FUN and a lot to look forward to as the year of 2012 ends and 2013 begins.....some big milestones approaching good and sad in the new year. We are all rooting for my Sister as she fights through Nursing school as a single Mom and I think the highlight of next year will be watching Chris accept her diploma. She's not there yet but I get chills thinking about it. I actually tear up even thinking of graduation....not having Mom and Dad here to be so proud that she finally did it. But, we take one day at a time and only hope for the best. I am trying to do a better job enjoying the moment and not think too hardly about the future and what it would be like "if"...
All my love and hope as we enter this Holiday Season that you are watching us closely and that you are truly here in spirit..............miss you so much every day.
Melissa
I cannot believe November is already here....holidays will be here so quickly. Just going to focus on the kids and them having fun and doing as much stuff as possible with them to keep my mind off my family. But, it's so hard when Justin is calling constantly and is missing family, all that we used to have.....it's hard to put aside. I don't think that it's ever possible. I think I will always have to put that smile on and deep down be bummed around this time of year. It's just hard, this time of year is all about Family and surely I have a great one of my own....but I miss my family unit that I came from and sharing these beautiful kids.
But, we have great friends, more cousins in our family to share Christmas with that will make it so much FUN and a lot to look forward to as the year of 2012 ends and 2013 begins.....some big milestones approaching good and sad in the new year. We are all rooting for my Sister as she fights through Nursing school as a single Mom and I think the highlight of next year will be watching Chris accept her diploma. She's not there yet but I get chills thinking about it. I actually tear up even thinking of graduation....not having Mom and Dad here to be so proud that she finally did it. But, we take one day at a time and only hope for the best. I am trying to do a better job enjoying the moment and not think too hardly about the future and what it would be like "if"...
All my love and hope as we enter this Holiday Season that you are watching us closely and that you are truly here in spirit..............miss you so much every day.
Melissa
Thursday, October 11, 2012
A busy Fall...
We had a nice weekend in MI..was able to catch up with my Sister, watched the cousins play together, caught some of Aydan's hockey game, meet our new niece Violet and took the kids to the cemetery for my Parent's 35th wedding anniversary. We would have had a party - or at minimum, took them out to a nice dinner. I feel so sad my parents didn't get to further celebrate their years together. They took "till death to us part" to a whole new level. I am happy that they never had to experience life without each other. I think that part brings some comfort as I am not sure how they would have survived on their own. I think it would have been so painful to watch as a child seeing your Parent heartbroken. They would have suffered. But, it doesn't make this any easier.
It's important for my kids to still be connected to my parents...Elle enjoyed the cemetery. We left flowers, a pumpkin and a balloon. And every time we see an Angel, or hear the word Heaven she yells with joy something about my parents (her Grandparents in Heaven). Harry ran around the grass stepping on their gravestone...without a clue what we were actually doing there. It bothers me tremendously they won't know my parents like I did. They were so funny and loving....and would have been a huge part of their lives.
A busy Fall it has been and it's not slowing down this month...this weekend we are hosting a fun little Fall happy hour with our friends and their kids. Next weekend I leave for Texas to attend a conference but before it starts, I get to spend a few days with my Aunt Lisa (Mom's sister) and my cousin Tracy and her husband. I am so excited to be there and explore a little of Dallas. My Mom was there about a year before she died for my Aunt's wedding. They had SUCH a blast, the pictures were so much fun. They converted my Aunt's home to a reception and danced the night away in her living room. My Mom was such a loving Sister - she always made the effort. Then, the next weekend I will be back in MI for a friend's baby shower, then visitors in Cincinnati first weekend in November and our neighborhood block party then a suite with my company at a Bengals game....lots and lots of activities going on. Keeping busy is how I survive. Our mornings and nights are crazy after a long day at school for the kids and work for us....but it in the end it all works out....hustle and bustle works for our family.
Praying for Justin ...I am fearful some of his symptoms are coming back, his paranoia in particular, after several years of making so much progress. I feel so sad for my Brother and his fight against mental illness. I wish there was more I could do.
It's important for my kids to still be connected to my parents...Elle enjoyed the cemetery. We left flowers, a pumpkin and a balloon. And every time we see an Angel, or hear the word Heaven she yells with joy something about my parents (her Grandparents in Heaven). Harry ran around the grass stepping on their gravestone...without a clue what we were actually doing there. It bothers me tremendously they won't know my parents like I did. They were so funny and loving....and would have been a huge part of their lives.
A busy Fall it has been and it's not slowing down this month...this weekend we are hosting a fun little Fall happy hour with our friends and their kids. Next weekend I leave for Texas to attend a conference but before it starts, I get to spend a few days with my Aunt Lisa (Mom's sister) and my cousin Tracy and her husband. I am so excited to be there and explore a little of Dallas. My Mom was there about a year before she died for my Aunt's wedding. They had SUCH a blast, the pictures were so much fun. They converted my Aunt's home to a reception and danced the night away in her living room. My Mom was such a loving Sister - she always made the effort. Then, the next weekend I will be back in MI for a friend's baby shower, then visitors in Cincinnati first weekend in November and our neighborhood block party then a suite with my company at a Bengals game....lots and lots of activities going on. Keeping busy is how I survive. Our mornings and nights are crazy after a long day at school for the kids and work for us....but it in the end it all works out....hustle and bustle works for our family.
Praying for Justin ...I am fearful some of his symptoms are coming back, his paranoia in particular, after several years of making so much progress. I feel so sad for my Brother and his fight against mental illness. I wish there was more I could do.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
run for fun
I've finally gotten my running groove back. Since Mom and Dad passed and well, having two kids, it's been challenging to focus on one my favorite things to do which is run. I know, I know, I was teased all through school on who and the heck would "run for fun"...but I love it. Especially now, it's a stress reliever and a way for me to be in control and not a bad keep in shape/maintain my post baby body tactic. I've also found a fantastic running partner. A running partner, especially a good one, makes the world of difference. The last race I ran before Mom and Dad died, was the Country Music Half marathon in Nashville. They came down with me to watch me run and got such enjoyment seeing me cross the 10 mile marker with a smile on my face. We had such a great time. My running partner for several months was a co-worker and we had a similar pace and really motivated one another to keep the mileage up. I also didn't have kids at the time and it was easier to dedicate the hours to running. Now, I go a few times a week after getting the kids home from school, fed, bathed and tucked into bed....so it's a busy day ending with a great run. My new running partner has also become a great friend - her kids go to the same school as Elle and Harry and similar ages as well.
I had been pondering what I could do for my Parent's memory next Spring where it will be the dreaded 5 year anniversary of their death. Every year is HARD but 5 just seems so long since I've seen their smiling faces, heard their encouraging words or simply had a parent tell me what to do or what they think. I originally thought I would go back to MI and get all of their hundreds of friends and family together at a park, have a band play amazing grace and let go hundreds of red and blue balloons into the sky. But then I started feeling overwhelmed of the sadness I may feel or bring to others by making it an "event". April 7th is not a celebration but I do find comfort in honoring their lives on a day that brings such darkness to my Family. So then, I thought I would get some of our friends and head back almost 6 years later to Nashville and run that race again. Now it's leaning toward Cincinnati, staying local and running the Cincinnati flying pig half marathon so more people could participate and be a part of their ongoing memory....but we will see....nonetheless, a run feels right. Nothing I do will ever measure up to the great loss and void I feel or how much they are missed but running is something they enjoyed watching me do for many years and something I am thankful for that has come back to me after several years of not making it a priority after they died.
The kids are getting so big. Harry is starting to say the names of his friends in his class...i remember when Elle did that...we had no idea she knew all of their names and all sudden she was telling us their first and last names. Harry is the social butterfly at school....his teachers refer to him as the "class greeter"....he is really happy and sweet at school. At home is very much a mama's boy and I find myself holding him a lot still. I guess I don't want to let go of that baby stage that is quickly slipping away......Elle is such a big girl now. She has tantrums and moments that make us want to pull our hair out but she is getting even more beautiful and smart. I cannot believe the vocabulary and knowledge of someone so tiny.We miss you everyday, Mom and Dad...
All my love.
Melissa
I had been pondering what I could do for my Parent's memory next Spring where it will be the dreaded 5 year anniversary of their death. Every year is HARD but 5 just seems so long since I've seen their smiling faces, heard their encouraging words or simply had a parent tell me what to do or what they think. I originally thought I would go back to MI and get all of their hundreds of friends and family together at a park, have a band play amazing grace and let go hundreds of red and blue balloons into the sky. But then I started feeling overwhelmed of the sadness I may feel or bring to others by making it an "event". April 7th is not a celebration but I do find comfort in honoring their lives on a day that brings such darkness to my Family. So then, I thought I would get some of our friends and head back almost 6 years later to Nashville and run that race again. Now it's leaning toward Cincinnati, staying local and running the Cincinnati flying pig half marathon so more people could participate and be a part of their ongoing memory....but we will see....nonetheless, a run feels right. Nothing I do will ever measure up to the great loss and void I feel or how much they are missed but running is something they enjoyed watching me do for many years and something I am thankful for that has come back to me after several years of not making it a priority after they died.
The kids are getting so big. Harry is starting to say the names of his friends in his class...i remember when Elle did that...we had no idea she knew all of their names and all sudden she was telling us their first and last names. Harry is the social butterfly at school....his teachers refer to him as the "class greeter"....he is really happy and sweet at school. At home is very much a mama's boy and I find myself holding him a lot still. I guess I don't want to let go of that baby stage that is quickly slipping away......Elle is such a big girl now. She has tantrums and moments that make us want to pull our hair out but she is getting even more beautiful and smart. I cannot believe the vocabulary and knowledge of someone so tiny.We miss you everyday, Mom and Dad...
All my love.
Melissa
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Fall 2012 is here.
I'm so tired....Ted's been traveling all week which means hustle and bustle! The kids and I actually do just fine. We eat simple meals. We keep the house clean. We get our walks and nightly baths in. I make their lunches. I sneak a shower in. I work all day. And sing to them at night.
I love them and am grateful they are healthy and thriving...but (there's always a but), I HATE being alone. Ever since my Parents died, I hate being alone. The anxiety and attention on the fact that my Family is gone and I don't have Mom to call worsens when I am alone with the kids. It's just a bad feeling. During the week is better because we are busy and have a routine...but Sunday I just felt off.
I felt depressed and worried. I felt sad my Sister and I can't see eye to eye on the future of the lake. I know in my heart its in the best interest of all of us despite the heartache we'll face. It comes in waves...for the most part, I am doing just fine.
We're headed back to MI again this weekend to work on the lake again and hopefully meet our niece OR nephew. But I look forward to being home more this Fall....getting the house back in order, having our friends over for happy hour, doing some fun things with the kids for the Fall.....I love the Fall. It is by far my favorite season - as soon as Labor day was over....out comes the Fall decor and everything pumpkin. I love chillier nights, skinny jeans, boots, hoodies, pumpkin ale and a good fall chardonnay. I love anything orange - and all things for the home that smell like Fall (especially my company's new line of Glade seasonal candles!). Next week (my turn to be out and about) I have several fun little events - I am hosting a mixer at a very cool wine and food place with the Network of Executive woman. It's great to surround yourself with other woman in the industry who face the same juggles and challenges as a working Mom. We want to do it all....we try our best but many of us are at capacity. An evening out with great food and drink will be fantastic.
Another weekend on the road but Ted's parents are so good to us. Always have the home filled with everything the kids need, we get caught up on laundry and its always nice to see family especially when you are out of State. But, its never the same. I'll always long to have my Mom and Dad back.....will always face difficulty during any holiday or milestone. I have to keep reminding myself I can never change it.....but I can continue to honor their life and see them through Aydan, Elle and Harry.
Miss you guys. Wonder what you've been up to...wonder if you're worried about Grandpa.....or if you've looked over your siblings - we miss them.....or if you're watching Chris study late into the night.....did you catch Aydan on the first day of school? He's so big and handsome....
Do you watch me and laugh your ass off how I am running around like a crazy woman and still am as anal as I was when you were alive and about keeping my counter tops clean? Some things will never change. Are you sad that we're sad? I know you want to be here but I hope it's not bothering you. Think of you every day.
All my love,
Melissa
I love them and am grateful they are healthy and thriving...but (there's always a but), I HATE being alone. Ever since my Parents died, I hate being alone. The anxiety and attention on the fact that my Family is gone and I don't have Mom to call worsens when I am alone with the kids. It's just a bad feeling. During the week is better because we are busy and have a routine...but Sunday I just felt off.
I felt depressed and worried. I felt sad my Sister and I can't see eye to eye on the future of the lake. I know in my heart its in the best interest of all of us despite the heartache we'll face. It comes in waves...for the most part, I am doing just fine.
We're headed back to MI again this weekend to work on the lake again and hopefully meet our niece OR nephew. But I look forward to being home more this Fall....getting the house back in order, having our friends over for happy hour, doing some fun things with the kids for the Fall.....I love the Fall. It is by far my favorite season - as soon as Labor day was over....out comes the Fall decor and everything pumpkin. I love chillier nights, skinny jeans, boots, hoodies, pumpkin ale and a good fall chardonnay. I love anything orange - and all things for the home that smell like Fall (especially my company's new line of Glade seasonal candles!). Next week (my turn to be out and about) I have several fun little events - I am hosting a mixer at a very cool wine and food place with the Network of Executive woman. It's great to surround yourself with other woman in the industry who face the same juggles and challenges as a working Mom. We want to do it all....we try our best but many of us are at capacity. An evening out with great food and drink will be fantastic.
Another weekend on the road but Ted's parents are so good to us. Always have the home filled with everything the kids need, we get caught up on laundry and its always nice to see family especially when you are out of State. But, its never the same. I'll always long to have my Mom and Dad back.....will always face difficulty during any holiday or milestone. I have to keep reminding myself I can never change it.....but I can continue to honor their life and see them through Aydan, Elle and Harry.
Miss you guys. Wonder what you've been up to...wonder if you're worried about Grandpa.....or if you've looked over your siblings - we miss them.....or if you're watching Chris study late into the night.....did you catch Aydan on the first day of school? He's so big and handsome....
Do you watch me and laugh your ass off how I am running around like a crazy woman and still am as anal as I was when you were alive and about keeping my counter tops clean? Some things will never change. Are you sad that we're sad? I know you want to be here but I hope it's not bothering you. Think of you every day.
All my love,
Melissa
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Labor day weekend
An emotional yet inspiring weekend in Atlanta as I got to visit with my good friend who recently was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I couldn't wait to give her a hug...I knew the right words wouldn't be said and nothing we could do would take this away but I know in my heart she felt loved and it hopefully reconfirmed that we are here for her....we are a drive, flight, phone call away....we are her biggest cheerleaders. Praying for her to keep up with the positivity. I'm so proud of her and pray Mom and Dad can watch over her too.
I came home from Atlanta feeling thankful for my good health. While I have stress and issues, my family is healthy......but it's amazing how quickly life comes back rolling in and you get back into routine, back to getting upset, and stuff just starts popping up that frusturates you. We have a lot of house things to take care of....a broken pipe in the basement, a dead tree thats massive and over 130 years old and tons of yard work and several other projects in and outside the house that we just have not had the time for this Summer. All of this yet I'm worried and thinking about the lake. We are getting up to Harrison this weekend....so much to do, we are going to put it up on the market. I'm devastated but we cannot manage two homes from this distance.....who were we kidding?? I feel another piece of my parents and childhood will be gone but I know in my heart it's the right thing to do but its not easy and its painful. Maybe it won't sell for a few years....maybe there will be more time to have the kids play up there so they'll remember the house. We'll always take them to Harrison even if it means renting a place one day but it bothers me that I won't have that home base anymore that was my parents. Though they are gone, I can still say "my parents place"....and it feels good.....but they'd be so sad about the fighting and how little we can get up there with the distance....I know they would want us to make the best decision for the entire family.
Labor day is approaching and I would give any thing to be heading up with there with the kids and
to hang with mom and dad for the weekend....Everything is so different now. There won't be a big family weekend....we'll see Ted's parents, will pop up to the lake to work our butts off while trying to
chase a one year old and we may see Ted's brother and meet their little one if they have the baby over the weekend. I miss having my own family Unit and all i want is for my parents to take care of me.
Just for the weekend. I know I'm an adult.....but I feel so alone at times and I hate it. The anger is still here...it all goes back to the void and I just want my parents back.
Labor day is approaching and I would give any thing to be heading up with there with the kids and
to hang with mom and dad for the weekend....Everything is so different now. There won't be a big family weekend....we'll see Ted's parents, will pop up to the lake to work our butts off while trying to
chase a one year old and we may see Ted's brother and meet their little one if they have the baby over the weekend. I miss having my own family Unit and all i want is for my parents to take care of me.
Just for the weekend. I know I'm an adult.....but I feel so alone at times and I hate it. The anger is still here...it all goes back to the void and I just want my parents back.
I'm upset but I know Ted and I will get everything done (somehow)..and...even if we have to spend quite a bit of money, we'll eventually get everything at our own home too. It will all work out but I'm stressed, ted's mom can't lift yet from her eye surgery so she can't watch our sweet boy. I was excited just Ted and I were going to the lake.....we could get stuff done.....and really do some much needed thinking........but you can't beat the coolest dude on the planet tagging along to the place where he was named from.....and he'll have to somehow help me go through pictures and some of the important things we need to start deciding who wants what. Something I never did at their home in Allen Park.....I couldn't do it and I'm not sure you can ever prepare yourself for going through your parents home or lake home.....such a painful thing. Letting go is so hard.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
adventure out East
We have been on the go all Summer and our last big adventure was this past weekend in CT. We all gathered there for Ted's side of the family for the 1st family reunion. CT (the beach house in particular) holds a special place in our hearts - we spent a lot of time there and with his Aunt, Uncle and cousins when we lived in Boston for 4 years. It was an amazing weekend...his Aunt and Uncle put on such a cool celebration that was so kid friendly, we had the best accommodations in a quaint B&B overlooking the Long Island Sound....and the meals and snacks were all so perfect for the setting. They hosted a Lobster bake Saturday afternoon, passed appetizers, an amazing buffet, dessert and coffee, plenty of wine and in a beautiful setting with great family. My family is so small these days and Ted has a very small family so it was nice to be around extended family and be around all the cousins that we love dearly and get to see and meet their children all of which are very close to Harry and Elle's age. It was the perfect summer weekend.
It was exhausting though...with two little ones you rarely ever get a break. I would often think if my Mom were alive how it would easier to get breaks here and there because Mom would take the kids or hold them more or I could have her visit for a weekend and she would tell Ted and I to go out to dinner for "date night". I guess it doesn't do me any good to think about what could have been....but, it's bothersome and I feel inside that Ted and I are alone. Sure we have an amazing network of friends, extended family and his parents that love us. But I always feel like we (mainly me) are outsiders.....I guess these are all normal feelings when you experience such a loss that you live with a very strong void in your life but it has worsen as we've extended our own family. We want that closeness with others for our kids. Nonetheless, the love was felt this weekend by Ted's amazing Aunt & Uncle...I cannot thank them enough for gathering everyone in such a perfect setting with the most incredible details. I don't want to go two years again without seeing them again and hope we can do something again next year or at least take trips to see one other more frequently.
I am so glad the kids will have these memories (and plenty of pictures) out East.
We also got to spend the day and evening with our good friends Erich and Carolyn (who we hung out with a ton while living in Boston and got to visit them in Paris when they were there for a two year work assignment). We had a great time visiting with them, meeting their Son, enjoying a fun lunch downtown at our old favorite place, grabbing cupcakes with the kids and bouncing around Boston.....I miss that place and it was fun to be back for the day.
This weekend Chris has decided to bring Aydan to Cincinnati for the weekend before she starts her final year of RN school. We are all under stress right now on what to do with the lake home....I think it is sadly time for it to be on the market. We are over 7 hours away, no one can keep up with the maintenance and when we do get up there we have to work not enjoy this wonderful place. It's unfortunate and I am heartbroken but I believe it is the right thing to do for all of us involved. I hope my Sister one day will agree.....regardless, I am very excited to have family here this weekend to take A shoe shopping and all of us have some fun up at the St Mary's festival that is walking distance to our house. Dad will be missed...he loved this festival!
All my love,
Melissa
It was exhausting though...with two little ones you rarely ever get a break. I would often think if my Mom were alive how it would easier to get breaks here and there because Mom would take the kids or hold them more or I could have her visit for a weekend and she would tell Ted and I to go out to dinner for "date night". I guess it doesn't do me any good to think about what could have been....but, it's bothersome and I feel inside that Ted and I are alone. Sure we have an amazing network of friends, extended family and his parents that love us. But I always feel like we (mainly me) are outsiders.....I guess these are all normal feelings when you experience such a loss that you live with a very strong void in your life but it has worsen as we've extended our own family. We want that closeness with others for our kids. Nonetheless, the love was felt this weekend by Ted's amazing Aunt & Uncle...I cannot thank them enough for gathering everyone in such a perfect setting with the most incredible details. I don't want to go two years again without seeing them again and hope we can do something again next year or at least take trips to see one other more frequently.
I am so glad the kids will have these memories (and plenty of pictures) out East.
We also got to spend the day and evening with our good friends Erich and Carolyn (who we hung out with a ton while living in Boston and got to visit them in Paris when they were there for a two year work assignment). We had a great time visiting with them, meeting their Son, enjoying a fun lunch downtown at our old favorite place, grabbing cupcakes with the kids and bouncing around Boston.....I miss that place and it was fun to be back for the day.
This weekend Chris has decided to bring Aydan to Cincinnati for the weekend before she starts her final year of RN school. We are all under stress right now on what to do with the lake home....I think it is sadly time for it to be on the market. We are over 7 hours away, no one can keep up with the maintenance and when we do get up there we have to work not enjoy this wonderful place. It's unfortunate and I am heartbroken but I believe it is the right thing to do for all of us involved. I hope my Sister one day will agree.....regardless, I am very excited to have family here this weekend to take A shoe shopping and all of us have some fun up at the St Mary's festival that is walking distance to our house. Dad will be missed...he loved this festival!
All my love,
Melissa
Sunday, August 5, 2012
another year older!
Birthdays just aren't the same! I try to always stay positive and I loved receiving all of the cards, gifts, texts, calls and emails and really enjoyed a night out with a few great friends over some great wine this weekend & eating the wonderful cake Ted and Elle baked for me...but without receiving a call from my Mom makes birthdays less meaningful and enjoyable, I wish it didn't feel that way. I know I should be so thankful to be healthy and alive with a beautiful family and I SO am...but I miss having a Mom to love and care for me. A Mom & Dad to call me on my birthday. It may seem selfish but it's how I feel. Some days are tougher than others but I think I will always feel this way around Holidays and special occasions. I have accepted this but know I must continue to stay as positive as possible and still make the best out of every day and situation and enjoy life...
I took the kids on Friday to one of our favorite neighborhood parks for an annual photo shoot. We have the best photographer....does a great job with the kids. They were stressful for me.....I tried to keep my cool....but when she sent me a sneak peek of two of the pictures she captured I lost it & it made that hour of stress SO worth it. They were timeless and beautiful. I never would have expected them to me that beautiful. Elle was holding a mason jar with a vintage stripey straw up to Harrison's mouth so he could take a sip of water. I started balling. Elle looked like the beautiful big sis she is but in a different way...she looked much older. I all of sudden starred at the picture imagining her as a teenager....and little Harry.....he's not a baby anymore ( I know, news flash right?) but he looked like a BOY....so calm and sweet....sipping his water with his big sis. These two beauties were a result of my Parents loss......hate that it happened that way yet so blessed out of such dark day came these amazing, bright-eyed kids.
I have a feeling life is going to get even more stressful here shortly as we rethink the lake....Christina enters her 2nd and final year of the RN program in two weeks. It's going to be so tough. In my heart I know what the right decision is but I am not sure my Sister and I will ever agree. I never, ever wanted to be put in this position. I am so tired of dealing with it. I don't want to clean out my Parents lake home. My Sister handled Allen Park...I could have never in a million years did that. I've handled a lot but that's one thing I had to stay away from. I have guilt. I don't want to let the place go.....but I cannot handle the stress & worry anymore. Praying my parents tell me what to do....and to send Chris down some extra strength this next year...she'll need it.
All my love.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
tragedy.
Man it is so hard to watch this coverage on the Colorado shootings. While there were so many details to our family tragedy I opted to not know, I find myself wanting to know the details in this public case....like my brother, this young man had access online to so many things that made it possible for him to do the unthinkable. It sure is terrible it is that simple to collect guns, bullets and all of the supplies over a 6 month period and cause no warning signs to anyone. I feel for all of the people who have died and to the family members left behind in such a tragic event...
I swear, ever since Mom and Dad have passed....I now see tragedy in the World, in people I know.....I hear terrible stories every month...a suicide, cancer, illnesses, car accidents....surely this was happening four ago but not to people I knew. It's happening all around me now.
Hearing people who survived the Colorado tragedy feel so blessed to be alive and are hugging their children a little tighter these past few days. I wish that stuck with me. I should feel lucky to be alive each and every day. My parents would give anything to be here. And I could have been home that week as well and never had the chance to experience being a Mom or to continue my life with Ted and all our friends and extended family. I need to be more thankful despite the sadness but it's all easier said than done. I've learned we are all stronger than we think but it doesnt mean it's easy. I was watching my neighbors house as I was watering the lawn.....both sets of grandparents were over playing with the kids. To them this is normal. To me that is something I miss out on every day of my life. Sharing my life and family with my parents. It's a huge void that is always with me yet I am proud I continue to push forward and never stop living. Had a wonderful friend over this evening for a playdate (and wine of course) while our husband's attended this cool beer tasting event in the square.....it was a busy evening chasing the kids around but so much fun as well.
We continue to keep busy with the kiddos and hanging with such great people.....we'll head back to MI again next weekend to see our family and friends for a long weekend...and then it will soon be my 33rd birthday. Yikes. Where is the timing going....seems like yesterday I was out with my parents here celebrating my 28th...we had such a blast that night!
Thinking of everyone tonight in Colorado and to anyone else who has suffered from tragedy and mental illness.
All my love,
Melissa
I swear, ever since Mom and Dad have passed....I now see tragedy in the World, in people I know.....I hear terrible stories every month...a suicide, cancer, illnesses, car accidents....surely this was happening four ago but not to people I knew. It's happening all around me now.
Hearing people who survived the Colorado tragedy feel so blessed to be alive and are hugging their children a little tighter these past few days. I wish that stuck with me. I should feel lucky to be alive each and every day. My parents would give anything to be here. And I could have been home that week as well and never had the chance to experience being a Mom or to continue my life with Ted and all our friends and extended family. I need to be more thankful despite the sadness but it's all easier said than done. I've learned we are all stronger than we think but it doesnt mean it's easy. I was watching my neighbors house as I was watering the lawn.....both sets of grandparents were over playing with the kids. To them this is normal. To me that is something I miss out on every day of my life. Sharing my life and family with my parents. It's a huge void that is always with me yet I am proud I continue to push forward and never stop living. Had a wonderful friend over this evening for a playdate (and wine of course) while our husband's attended this cool beer tasting event in the square.....it was a busy evening chasing the kids around but so much fun as well.
We continue to keep busy with the kiddos and hanging with such great people.....we'll head back to MI again next weekend to see our family and friends for a long weekend...and then it will soon be my 33rd birthday. Yikes. Where is the timing going....seems like yesterday I was out with my parents here celebrating my 28th...we had such a blast that night!
Thinking of everyone tonight in Colorado and to anyone else who has suffered from tragedy and mental illness.
All my love,
Melissa
Sunday, July 8, 2012
This weekend was great (even with both of the kiddos having a low grade fever...I swear its a weekly occurrence for Harry). Speaking of the prince, he is walking. He still prefers crawling but he can take 10-15 steps when he feels like it so that has been fun to watch and cheer him on. He's such a sweetie but boy is he attached to his MOM. Totally my fault as I never put him down his first year of life. Ted just looks at me and laughs...."you did this", he says!
These are the type of weekends that makes me feel normal...we hosted a casual dinner party on Saturday with two AWESOME couples and their sweet children. We made some yummy food and had drinks and chased the kids around. Sunday, Ted and I met up separately with one of the couples to run a few miles then we all met up again later at the pool...it's been a lot of fun to have great friends that have kids that like to have a lot of fun like we do. Everything was going great and I think for several hours I even forgot my Parents were dead...until later this evening, Justin kept calling. That's when reality sets back in...things were normal, we have such great friends here, we just got back from an amazing vacation, work is going well....but, I still have a mentally ill brother who took my Parent's life. I still have to face this every day and I have plans to see him in a few weekends when we are back in MI. Alone this time so Ted can stay with the kids and our friends. I care for my brother very much and I worry about him...he's made SO much progress with still a ways to go either way it saddens me. I just want to be normal and enjoy my life, my kids, my friends....I wish I had parents, and a brother and I wish my Sister and I could just be sisters....and that we didn't have the stress of the lake. I wish, I wish...I guess the big positive is everything else going in our life is wonderful but the tough stuff is really tough...
But, this weekend was great and I go to bed thinking of my Family and being thankful for our wonderful friends here and the fun we continue to all have together and thinking of all of our friends in MI, PA, AZ, MA, VA and everywhere else....we miss you all so much.
Leaving you with pics from our beautiful vacation in St John that I meant to post last week....a few of my favorites...
All my love, Mom and Dad.....Melissa
These are the type of weekends that makes me feel normal...we hosted a casual dinner party on Saturday with two AWESOME couples and their sweet children. We made some yummy food and had drinks and chased the kids around. Sunday, Ted and I met up separately with one of the couples to run a few miles then we all met up again later at the pool...it's been a lot of fun to have great friends that have kids that like to have a lot of fun like we do. Everything was going great and I think for several hours I even forgot my Parents were dead...until later this evening, Justin kept calling. That's when reality sets back in...things were normal, we have such great friends here, we just got back from an amazing vacation, work is going well....but, I still have a mentally ill brother who took my Parent's life. I still have to face this every day and I have plans to see him in a few weekends when we are back in MI. Alone this time so Ted can stay with the kids and our friends. I care for my brother very much and I worry about him...he's made SO much progress with still a ways to go either way it saddens me. I just want to be normal and enjoy my life, my kids, my friends....I wish I had parents, and a brother and I wish my Sister and I could just be sisters....and that we didn't have the stress of the lake. I wish, I wish...I guess the big positive is everything else going in our life is wonderful but the tough stuff is really tough...
But, this weekend was great and I go to bed thinking of my Family and being thankful for our wonderful friends here and the fun we continue to all have together and thinking of all of our friends in MI, PA, AZ, MA, VA and everywhere else....we miss you all so much.
Leaving you with pics from our beautiful vacation in St John that I meant to post last week....a few of my favorites...
All my love, Mom and Dad.....Melissa
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Back to reality
Vacation was beautiful. St John is a stunning place that I would visit over and over. But, it was defintley not much of a relaxing vacation with the kids (in particular, a one year old) but, I'm so happy Elle will have these memories with us and GRandparents. I couldn't help but think why I was there how much fun my folks would have had with all of us...they were so missed. I still at times, even though it's been four years, am in disbelief that they are missing this and are gone. While many think I have moved on ( or forward is the word I prefer), I often question that. Have I really faced the deep sadness and reality? I think I have... it really became clear after seeing my brother for the first time but there are still days of struggle but less tears and more joy through my own family and friends. I continue to be amazed at how blessed Ted and I are but it hasn't been easy. Their death has impacted my life forever.
Some of my favorite memories about vacation:
-drinking coffee on the villa's massive patio overlooking the Bay while chasing Harry around
-visiting the beach and truly taking in how beautiful it was
-watching Elle enjoying the pool, beach and sand
-eating yummy meals made by Ted
-nap time and being able to sit in the sun with a frozen cocktail
-chatting on the patio at night, with ted's parents, over drinks and laughter
-watching Harry taking several steps and us all cheering
-throwing rocks in the Ocean for my Dad. It was a special moment. I wish I could have done more for my Dad on his special day...but everyone was focused on packing up. I thank God I had the relationship I had with my Dad and the memories keep me going of what we did do for Dad while he was alive and how much he did for others and enjoyed being surrounded by family and friends...I miss him every day.
We'll head to Harrison soon to spend a weekend at the lake...I don't know what the future holds but I can't wait to be there with the kids and Ted and I am beyond thrilled to see my grandfather and aunt and uncle....and our best bud Josh who has been living in Hawaii and was just married in Canada is meeting us up there. He has been an incredible life-long family friend that we can always count on and is always there. He's always asking about the kids and making the effort to see us though his life has been crazy. I can't wait to celebrate with him up at the lake....And potentially plan a visit next year to Hawaii to see him over our 10 year anniversary.
Watch over my friend fighting cancer, Mom and Dad....I miss you guys SO much...miss your laughter...love you always.
Melissa
Thursday, June 21, 2012
ST JOHN BOUND
I'm officially on vacation. Done from work for 10 days!!!!!! I have needed a break so much after the craziness at work and just life stresses in general. We are headed to the beautiful Island of St John, our second time back actually staying right on St John, third time visiting. It's our favorite place...most beautiful water and beaches...we rented a home with Ted's parents. We are thrilled we got them to come along with us....it has been a tough road these last four years as I have learned to live with the death of my parents...it has added pressure and complicated our relationship. The whole situation has been heartbreaking...nonetheless, they are loving and supportive and wonderful Grandparents to Elle & Harry. There was no manual on how to handle a tragedy and the impact it would have on special relationships. I am proud we have continued to move forward and work through this together.
I feel so blessed that I have the oppotunity to take my children to a beautiful place, to be in an amazing villa overlooking the Ocean, walking distance to incredible beaches...I pray for fun, relaxation and safety. The trip got even better today when all of us were upgraded to first class all the way to St Thomas Saturday. I am sure we will get some odd looks with a one and 3 and 1/2 year old! Should be interesting. I most defintley will take up the offer of a glass of champagne. I want to celebrate. Celebrate the year of our beutiful, healthy Son, Harrison...Elle growing up to be a great, big Sis, Our successfull careers, Ted's Mom turning 60 and retiring and my Father's birthday is on the 28th. He'd so enjoy being with us on vacation. I sure will miss you guys. We have much to celebrate for in June.
Feeling lucky today. My life has been filled with such fabulous travel and Ted and I have had the opportunity to see such beautiness even through the toughest of times in our lives.
With all this, my thoughts are with my dear friend. She was diganosed with stage 4 colon cancer out of the blue. We spent a weekend in Chicago last month without knowing the terrible news we would receive a week later. She has started chemo and is so incedibly strong and SO positive. I am so proud of her. She will get through this.
All my love and safe travels for a beautiful week with my Family. Watch over us, Mom and Dad.
I feel so blessed that I have the oppotunity to take my children to a beautiful place, to be in an amazing villa overlooking the Ocean, walking distance to incredible beaches...I pray for fun, relaxation and safety. The trip got even better today when all of us were upgraded to first class all the way to St Thomas Saturday. I am sure we will get some odd looks with a one and 3 and 1/2 year old! Should be interesting. I most defintley will take up the offer of a glass of champagne. I want to celebrate. Celebrate the year of our beutiful, healthy Son, Harrison...Elle growing up to be a great, big Sis, Our successfull careers, Ted's Mom turning 60 and retiring and my Father's birthday is on the 28th. He'd so enjoy being with us on vacation. I sure will miss you guys. We have much to celebrate for in June.
Feeling lucky today. My life has been filled with such fabulous travel and Ted and I have had the opportunity to see such beautiness even through the toughest of times in our lives.
With all this, my thoughts are with my dear friend. She was diganosed with stage 4 colon cancer out of the blue. We spent a weekend in Chicago last month without knowing the terrible news we would receive a week later. She has started chemo and is so incedibly strong and SO positive. I am so proud of her. She will get through this.
All my love and safe travels for a beautiful week with my Family. Watch over us, Mom and Dad.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
sweet Harry turns one
Another milestone missed but I know in my heart you are always there with us...but it will never be the same. Any joy in our lives is followed by...but I wish Mom and Dad were here...
Grandpa ended up in this hospital so he was unable to come up for Harry's party. I was so sad not only for his health but I wanted him there to represent our family... H's only Grandparent from my side of the Family. But he called once he got out of the hospital to say how much he wanted to be there. I was just glad they caught the bleeding ulcers. He's not allowed to leave us anytime soon. Harry's party turned out sweet...it was a small gathering but I had so much fun putting together his little vintage summer theme. He was feeling a bit under the weather though but we were able to capture some cute pictures. He didn't eat any cake but a few licks of frosting. (we sure he's my son??)
Life is really flying by and June is a really special month for our family between Dad, Aydan and Harrison's birthday...Aunt Kim and Uncle Mike were also born in June...and we have our Family vacation to ST JOHN quickly approaching us...really looking forward to putting everything aside (I will try) for the week and to enjoy the beauty of the Island...Elle is getting SO excited to be in an airplane as a big girl and continues to talk about the beach and all the stuff she plans to do. I'm looking forward to the memories and I am so glad we convinced Ted's parents to come along...will be so nice for the kids to have those memories. We will miss you Mom and Dad...know how much you would have enjoyed this.
Today is Father's day and I miss my wonderful, laid back, always helped others, never judged, always looking to have fun, DAD. I miss you more than words could ever explain. Hope they're treating you well up there. You would be so proud of the family Dad. You'd be so amazed at Aydan these days and what a cool dude Harrison is. We keep in touch with Justin...and he seems to be doing OK. We love you...
All my love,
Grandpa ended up in this hospital so he was unable to come up for Harry's party. I was so sad not only for his health but I wanted him there to represent our family... H's only Grandparent from my side of the Family. But he called once he got out of the hospital to say how much he wanted to be there. I was just glad they caught the bleeding ulcers. He's not allowed to leave us anytime soon. Harry's party turned out sweet...it was a small gathering but I had so much fun putting together his little vintage summer theme. He was feeling a bit under the weather though but we were able to capture some cute pictures. He didn't eat any cake but a few licks of frosting. (we sure he's my son??)
Life is really flying by and June is a really special month for our family between Dad, Aydan and Harrison's birthday...Aunt Kim and Uncle Mike were also born in June...and we have our Family vacation to ST JOHN quickly approaching us...really looking forward to putting everything aside (I will try) for the week and to enjoy the beauty of the Island...Elle is getting SO excited to be in an airplane as a big girl and continues to talk about the beach and all the stuff she plans to do. I'm looking forward to the memories and I am so glad we convinced Ted's parents to come along...will be so nice for the kids to have those memories. We will miss you Mom and Dad...know how much you would have enjoyed this.
Today is Father's day and I miss my wonderful, laid back, always helped others, never judged, always looking to have fun, DAD. I miss you more than words could ever explain. Hope they're treating you well up there. You would be so proud of the family Dad. You'd be so amazed at Aydan these days and what a cool dude Harrison is. We keep in touch with Justin...and he seems to be doing OK. We love you...
All my love,
Sunday, June 3, 2012
1st week of June
After another horrific nightmare end of May...June got off to a GREAT start with the most fabulous weather... back to high 70s with no humidity and full sun. Work is over the top stressful and demanding right now prepping for a big meeting this upcoming Thursday, but we still managed to have a great weekend with the kids and put it aside when I could. Ted had a race on Saturday with a co-worker so the kids and I kept busy going on walks, hanging out in the square, grabbing popcorn...I absolutely love this neighborhood even more when I'm alone with the kids as there is so much to do and a lot of people around with their kids all in walking distance. Sunday was an early morning but I caught a quick jog and we headed to the zoo to meet Elle's BFF JR and his parents. We've gotten to really know JR's family...we have so much in common and we love hanging out with them. Between soccer, them being in the same class and meeting up throughout the weekend, these kids nearly see each other daily. It's fun to watch them together. Harry is doing great - I still hold him a ton (think i am trying to prevent him from walking, although he did take ONE step on Friday!) and I got a few, rare minutes with just me and Elle for her FIRST manicure. What a blast she had although I got sad after...she's too big now....she was sitting there getting her nails painted like a little lady. Breaks my heart. All of these milestones...some bigger than others just make me miss my family SO much more wishing I had mom to call to share in these special moments. We have a big weekend ahead as we celebrate the birth of Harrison a little early while we're back in MI and I'll get to see my nephew who was born the day after Harry 8 years ago....time has really flown.
June will be a busy but memorable month between everything we have going on, Harry's 1st birthday and our family vacation later this month to ST JOHN...I will be ready for a vacation.
All my love,
June will be a busy but memorable month between everything we have going on, Harry's 1st birthday and our family vacation later this month to ST JOHN...I will be ready for a vacation.
All my love,
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